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Little Blog is for the birds October 25, 2007

Posted by biglittleblog in Animal Planet, Saving the world.
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If Little Blog has her way, South Africa’s bird life will soon have equal political rights.

She is sitting at the window, staring out at the garden.

Dad: “What are you watching, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “The birds in our garden. Some of them are free but some of them aren’t.”

Dad: “Which birds aren’t free?”

Little Blog: “The ones with a name tag aren’t free.”

Dad: “Aren’t all the birds in our garden free?”

Little Blog: “No, birds aren’t free. If there’s a bird and it’s got a name tag and it hasn’t got a cage, it belongs to somebody. If it flies away to someone’s garden, sometimes they’re kind enough to take their collar off and let them be free and then nobody knows they actually belong to somebody. That’s the way I like them to be.”

Dad: ”Where do you see name tags, Little Blog?”



Little Blog vs Vegetables October 22, 2007

Posted by biglittleblog in Astronomy and Maths, Food and drink.

Little Blog’s big sister, Sunshine, has discovered chemistry. She found the periodic table in one of her books, and a friend has been explaining to her about the elements and their names.

“O is Oxygen and H is Hydrogen and when you put two Hydrogens with one Oxygen, you get H2O and that is really water,” she explains over supper to Little Blog, who pretends to absorb every word.

Dad decides to show how clever he is: “And H2SO4 is Sulphuric Acid, which destroys everything it touches.” He hastens to add that he only knows this because of a rhyme he memorised in high school. Before anyone can stop him, he recites it:

“Little Johnny has gone to heaven,
and will be seen no more,
For what he took for H2O,
was H2SO4.”

Little Blog instantly declares: “He was lucky.”

Sunshine is horrified: “Why, Little Blog?!”

Little Blog: “Well, then he wouldn’t have to eat his vegetables, would he?”

World Cup win & Little Blog’s new career October 21, 2007

Posted by biglittleblog in Careers and jobs, Sport.
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Little Blog has been unstoppable since waking up this morning and discovering that South Africa won the rugby World Cup.

“Just like I said they will!” she crows to anyone who will listen.

She also believes that this heralds a new career: “I can tell you who is going to win anything from now on!”

Now everyone wants to test her.


Little Blog predicts SA rugby victory October 20, 2007

Posted by biglittleblog in Sport.
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Little Blog is caught up in the rugby fever. The problem is, her home’s multiple sports allegiances has her a little confused.

Sunshine decides to test her: “Who is going to win the World Cup, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “South Africa, of course!”

Sunshine: “Who are they going to beat, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “Arsenal!”

Dad: “I don’t think so, Little Blog.”

Little Blog: “Manchester United!”

Sunshine rolls her eyes.

“It isn’t soccer, Little Blog, it’s rugby. And they have to play against a country.”

Little Blog’s eyes light up: “I know! It’s England!”

Dad: “That’s right, Little Blog. But why should South Africa win the World Cup?”

Little Blog: “Because it was England’s turn last time, so it’s our turn this time. Everyone has to take turns, isn’t it, Daddy?”

Dad: “Not when countries play, Little Blog. There have to be other reasons why we win.”

Little Blog: “I know! It’s because we all support South Africa!”

Sunshine decides it’s time to apply ruthless logic: “But don’t you think all the people in England support England?”

A glint of steel appears in Little Blog’s eyes: “But we support South Africa lots harder than England supports England!”

(Next: Little Blog finds an extra slab of chocolate under her pillow)

Little Blog vs Bad Drivers October 16, 2007

Posted by biglittleblog in Health and Medicine, Holidays and travel.
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Little Blog is sitting in the back of Dad’s car, on the way to gym. Sunshine, her big sister, is with Mom, so Little Blog gets in all the running commentary she can.

First she describes the inside of the car, and asks for an explanation of almost every feature, from the air bags to the air conditioner.

Next, she turns her attention to other cars on the road. She describes each car as it passes in the next lane. One car comes speeding up from behind, zips into the next lane, and zooms into the lane in front of Dad, barely missing his front bumper.

“Idiot!” shouts Dad.

“Why is he an idiot, Daddy?” asks Little Blog.

“Because he could have gone into our car, Little Blog.”

Little Blog: “If he goes into another car, will it break the other car?”

Dad: “Yes, Little Blog.”

Little Blog: “That’s dangerous!”

Dad: “It sure is, Little Blog.”

Little Blog: “And it’s dangerous for children to sit in the front.”

Dad: “Why, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “Because of what will happen if another car breaks your car.”

Dad: “What will happen, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “The beanbag will come out and squash the child.”

(News flash: Chinese government denies rumours of factories producing defective children’s furniture)

Little Blog moves out – not! October 14, 2007

Posted by biglittleblog in Friends and Family.
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Ever since finding out about this godparent business, Little Blog has had that hatching-a-plot look on her face.

This weekend, she has been asking her big sister, Sunshine, all kinds of questions about her godparents. How much chocolate is in their pantry? Do they go to the beach for holidays? Do they have their own toys? And many more of the same.

Finally, by Sunday evening, her questions subside. In fact, Little Blog seems to have abandoned her intentions of moving out. Sunshine is resigned to never being able to expand her empire beyond one bedroom.

Mom decides to be direct about it: “Do you still want to go live with your godparents, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “No, Mommy, I haven’t got enough time.”

Mom: “Time for what, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “To pack all the toys I want to take with and to make a list of all the new toys I want.”

Mom: “So you aren’t going to live with your godparents after all?”

Little Blog: Well, I won’t need godparents, Mommy.”

Mom: “Why not, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “Because Sunshine said you will only die of old age in a very long time and then we will be adults and we won’t need godparents anymore, so I don’t need them now.”

(Next: Mom tears up the revised will she had been preparing)

Little Blog’s fairy godparents October 8, 2007

Posted by biglittleblog in Friends and Family.
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Little Blog has reached that stage of her life when she wants to prepare for the future.

It all starts very casually, with an innocent question: “Mommy, what are godparents for?”

Mom: “They are there to help make sure you follow the right path and get a good education and that you are looked after properly.”

Little Blog’s big sister, Sunshine, also knows a thing or two about godparents: “They are there for if your parents die, to look after you.”

Little Blog: “Mommy, who are my godparents?”

Mom: “M and H.”

Little Blog: “Sunshine, if I go live with them, do you think M and H will let me eat all the chocolates I want and have all the toys I want?”

Sunshine: “I think so, Little Blog.”

Little Blog gets that twinkle in her eye that alerts the world and several neighbouring planets that she is about to make a joke. Luckily for her, Mom spots it a moment before Little Blog blurts out:

“Mommy, could you hurry up and die now?”

(Next: Little Blog goes to bed without supper)

Little Blog and Dr Mom October 5, 2007

Posted by biglittleblog in Animal Planet, Health and Medicine.
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Calamity has struck Little Blog. One of her teddy bears is injured and she wants it taken to a “real doctor”.

Mom takes one look at the rip in the teddy’s arm and assures Little Blog that she can fix it with some careful sewing.

“But how do you know how to fix it, Mommy?” asks a desperate Little Blog.

“Well, I’ll try, Little Blog,” says Mom patiently.

Little Blog is dubious: “Mommy, is it like when you had a bad cut and the doctor had to do special sewing?”

“It’s almost like that, Little Blog.”

Little Blog goes off to find her big sister, Sunshine.

“I’m worried about my bear,” she tells Sunshine.

“Why are you worried, Little Blog? Mommy is good at sewing,” Sunshine reassures her.

Little Blog will have none of that: “Mommy isn’t a real doctor, so how can she fix the bear? You need special sewing to fix a bear.”

(Next: Little Blog calls 911)

Little Blog vs Technology October 4, 2007

Posted by biglittleblog in Technology and electronics.
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Little Blog is underwhelmed by the technology in her home. First it was the cellular phones that weren’t good enough for her. Now she has cast her net wider.

“Mommy?” she calls from the playroom, and Mom pops her head in.

“Yes, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “Can you get me a new computer, please Mommy?”

Mom: “Why, Little Blog? What’s wrong with this one?”

Little Blog: “It hasn’t got enough games on it.”

Mom: “We can put new ones on this computer if we want to. But you don’t need them, Little Blog.”

Little Blog: “Why not, Mommy?”

Mom: “You’ve already spent all the time you’re allowed on the computer today. The big hand of the clock is past the 12, and that was when you had to stop.”

Little Blog: “Okay, Mommy. But you know what, Mommy?”

Mom: “What, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “We also need a new clock in the playroom.”

Mom: “Why, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “This one doesn’t work so well. We need one that goes slower.”

Little Blog, the hi-tech critic October 3, 2007

Posted by biglittleblog in Technology and electronics.
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Little Blog believes she has found her calling in life. She is going to become a cellphone critic. This revelation comes after Dad arrives home with his new cellphone. It is one of those “smart phones” with more buttons than a passenger jet, and Dad spends hours trying to figure out how to use it. Little Blog watches the hi-tech wrestling match for a while, and finally feels compelled to contribute.

“It’s a cool phone, Dad,” says Little Blog.

“Thank you, Little Blog,” responds an unsuspecting Dad.

And then Little Blog is off:

“I like the picture it’s got of a flower, but if only all the writing went away and it showed only the stuff you need to click on to go to the places you want to go to, I would love it so much. You know why? Because I love flowers.

“Also it’s hard to press the numbers because they are so small and if you by mistake press the wrong number and somebody answers and you ask is it the right person, maybe they will say yes because they’ve got the same first name but maybe they haven’t got the same surname and you don’t know that. And then what if that person is a baddie? Maybe they hear your name and they go to the computer and type in your name and find out who your friend is and they say they know your friend. That’s why I don’t like the phone.”

“I see, Little Blog. Anything else?” Dad asks weakly.

“Yes, because the buttons are so small, and you keep phoning the wrong person, you have to try all the numbers and then maybe you haven’t got any more battery time.”

Dad: “Is that all, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “Does it tell the time?”

Dad: “Yes, Little Blog.”

Little Blog: “Well you don’t need the time because we’ve got clocks.”

Dad: “If you say so, Little Blog, who am I to argue?”

Little Blog: “And you know what else is wrong with it?”

Dad: “What, Little Blog?”

Little Blog: “You still haven’t figured out how to use it.”